I made the mistake of telling a fellow church member that I went to see the movie Son of God last Saturday. “Oh my gosh!!” he said. “Didn’t you just love it?!” “Not so much.” I said. ‘“WHAT?!?” He sounded incredulous, (I don’t think I’ve ever used that word in one of my posts before. I like it. Look for me to use it more often in the future.) “Why are you so upset?” I asked, “Were you part of the production staff for the movie or something?” “No,” he said “but it was about God!!” “Yeah, I got that much.” I replied. I followed up with, “I enjoy comedies, this wasn’t very funny. Although I have to admit that the part where Jesus knocked over the change tables in the temple and Judas said, “This is not good.” That part made me chuckle a little.”
Getting all worked up he said, “You’re kidding me right?” It was about God, it wasn’t supposed to be funny! There’s nothing funny about God!” “I don’t know about that.” I answered. “I’ve been doing some self examination and have come to the conclusion based on things that’ve happened to me recently, that God must have a pretty good sense of humor. Either that or He’s really upset with me, and I don’t even want to consider that possibility.” I continued, “And not only was the movie not funny but it didn’t even have a surprise ending. I love surprise endings. Like in the ‘The Sixth Sense’ where it turns out that Bruce Willis was dead the whole time. I know some people figured it out early on, but I was surprised!” With that said I think I started to detect his left eye beginning to twitch. Unable to hold back any longer, I burst out laughing. He shook his head, wished me a good day and walked away.
It’s true though, I normally don’t watch religious movies. In fact, I’ve even committed the nearly unforgivable sin of never seeing The Passion of the Christ! And while Mel Gibson and some of my fellow Christians may not be able to forgive me for that, I’m confident that God has.
Now I know some of you will be incredulous about this, (wow, didn’t expect to use it again so soon) but I don’t get much enjoyment out of God movies. If you do, I think that’s great, because it reaffirms for me how He works so differently in people. But for the most part they’re just not for me. For one thing I believe that like with most movies, “The Book” is better. For another thing, I’m often guilted into feeling worse about myself when the movie is over than I did before it started. Let me explain;
A friend called on Friday and asked if I’d like to go see Son of God with him on Saturday morning. I told him that I wasn’t sure because I had some shoe shopping that I was just dying to do with my wife. That was a lie. See, I had already broken a commandment and the movie wasn’t even scheduled to start for another 15 hours. I’d just pushed the boulder down hill and from here it could do nothing but pick up speed. He said “Alright, just let me know as soon as you can. I have free tickets.” I said, “Free? Okay, screw the shopping I’m in.”
We arrived at the theater around 9:30 AM. With only four people ahead of us it still took about 15 minutes to get our tickets. I turned to my friend and said, “Oh my God, could this ticket lady take any longer? She moves slower then my dead grandma” I imagine I’ve committed at least one sin there, maybe two if you believe by saying “Oh my God“ instead of “Oh my gosh“ I’ve taken the Lord’s name in vain. That boulder is starting to pick up speed.
After we finally got our tickets from ‘Speedy Cashierous,’ my friend stopped at the concession stand to buy a $6.00 cup of cherry coke. (I waited with him but bought nothing for myself because I was afraid by doing so it would somehow negate the benefit I’d gotten from taking advantage of the free movie ticket.) In front of us were two women and four kids having a debate on whether to purchase the large popcorn or take out a small loan in order to afford the family sized one. After another 15 minutes of waiting, I walked away muttering to myself. If what I said wasn’t a sin then it certainly qualified as being on the borderline. Attempting to calm down I took a deep breath and told myself to just find a seat, “Go and sin no more.”
When we entered the theater my friend asked where I’d like to sit. I told him I always sit in the back row because the last thing I need is for some ‘son of a gun’ to sit behind me and kick the back of my seat for two hours. Only I didn’t say ‘son of a gun,’ Oops.
The show was pretty empty and our seats were perfect, center screen, no one behind us and no one in front of us. That’s when I spotted the popcorn people making their way up the aisle, and apparently the perfect location for their viewing pleasure was going to be located directly in front of me. I slammed my fist on the arm of the chair and ground my teeth together so hard that I feared I might have bent one of the wires on my partial. White flashes went off in front of my eyes and even though I didn’t know which one it was, I was pretty sure another commandment had been broken. Suddenly it hit me, I’d been at ‘Son of God’ for about 35 minutes, the movie hadn’t even started yet and I’d already racked up almost a dozen sins. Congratulations to me! I was on pace to break, if not a world record at least the Rockford AMC Theater mark.
About three quarters of the way through the movie someones cell phone rang. I vaguely heard muffled voices and giggling. It wasn’t t loud enough that I couldn’t listen to what was being said on the screen, but it was loud enough to annoy the crap out of me. I completely lost track of the film and a sardonic grin crossed my face when I began to visualize putting my hands around the neck of the cell phone user and squeezing the life out of him. I was finally in my happy place. A minute later I snapped out of my trance and realized, okay, no question about that one, that was a sin for sure. That one boulder had turned into a full blown avalanche.
When the movie ended my friend looked at me and asked, “So, how’d you like it?” I responded, “I loved the guy who played Pontius Pilate.”
I had just spent two hours watching a movie about Jesus Christ. In that short period of time I sinned against God and man multiple times, and the character whose performance I enjoyed more than any other was one of the most evil people not only in the film but quite possibly in all of human history. I left feeling completely drained.
See what I mean? I wouldn’t have to concern myself with this stuff if I’d just stick to watching movies like Jackass 3D.
